Emotions~ And the Mis-Use of Words~

I'm kind of in a strange mood right now. Maybe I'm just super pissed off....maybe I don't know why I feel such anger....an maybe I do. Snuggling up with denial seems to ease the pain of facing truth and reality.
I am very angry at the moment, yet it seems to be hitch-hiking with disappointment. Did being disappointed make me angry?
 I  feel every emotion there is right now  depending on who or what I may be referring to at the moment.
 I think others can easily  misuse words to explain  people's behavior and or to nullify their own. I think it's very possible that people can misuse words like pain, hurt, fear, tears...whatever...they can almost use other words to explain what they think is insane behavior when in actuality, the words they use are like knives that stab the core of your being. I guess the person that does that could be a bully, which in turn can produce tears or anger, which in turn causes them to think you're crazy.
Emotions are funny animals. When you think of emotions, they range from joy and elation to deep profound sadness and anger. Are tears an emotion or the result OF an emotion? Seeing your baby for the first time after 9 months would certainly make you happy, and possibly produce tears of the deepest joy ever known. Watching that same child live a completely separate life from you could bring on the emotion of sadness, which in turn again brings on tears, only this time, the tears are brought on by pain. Do the tears she sees that  fall from my face register as the deepest kind of hurt in her mind? Or are the simply viewed as silly old lady drama?
Pain seems to be living at the surface of my being, popping out and being visible when I either don't see it coming or don't want to face it. Pain. Internal Pain.....emotional pain...the kind that makes your heart break.....or feel like it's being torn from my chest....
What drives the anger? Is  jealousy an emotion that races through my veins that I never knew I was capable of harboring? Is jealousy a virus I picked up unwittingly and there is no cure for it? Did I always have this emotion sleeping somewhere in my  mind and then "relationship" issues made it come alive?
What is jealousy? Is jealousy an emotion or an act of something else I feel? Betrayal.
Betrayal wears many faces and comes to you in many ways. Often you never see it coming and more often than not, betrayal comes from someone you know or love or are involved with romantically or in in the business world. Betrayal of any kind causes pain. Pain then in turn causes reaction. Some might recoil in fear and hide from it. Someone else may react differently by lashing out, becoming angry. Being angry can then spark a host of other behaviors, such as quitting a job you thought you liked, or stop speaking to a kid you adored because you're so hurt, or even break up what was once a romantic relationship because trust is everything....... Does anger make you do things you don't actually mean? Or does anger come out in vicious ways of actions and you mean them when you  carry them out?
Regret is an awful heavy load. I have some regrets. Things I did and said out of sheer anger, but truth be told, I was hurt. When you admit regret, others may view it as weakness or a sign of vulnerability even if in your own mind you think if you be honest and up front, that people will view with high esteem. I can assure you...it doesn't work that way.
Emotions part 2 to follow. Too distracted to finish this now.
LOL may be me being distracted from writing is a major flaw in my character...some deep-seeded badness in me that I have yet to discover......or maybe I'm just distracted right now because the phone is ringing off the hook and I lost my train of thought in 3 long winded calls while I was trying to concentrate on this.....
or maybe that's just being way too honest. Maybe I should be a liar instead and say....I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about and this is nothing but Miller talking....not me at all....

hahahaha.